You may not know this but people’s vanity has led them to putting pile cream on their wizzened faces. Now before I go any further it must be told I met an ex model 14 years ago who did this “Bum Botox” beauty regime and the results were not worth the close-up. The problem is pile creams thin and shrink…..Hemorrhoids.

Her skin was strange, like filo pastry that got creased up, unfolded and smoothed out again with oil (I think my mother was Asian and she used to filo a lot of shellfish things and veg). A bit of make-up and you wouldn’t really see the veins under the skin and a kiss on the cheek reminiscent of kissing……luke warm samosas. Thankfully she only used it as a night cream so the medicated “fragrance” was normally washed away in the morning. I won’t give the model’s name for Jnr’s sake.

The pile creams of today have changed to be more effective in the fight against the notorious Emma Freuds and, unfortunately medical advances have ensured this wrinkle decreaser is even more damaging to your facial skin than 14 years ago.

Really, just use it for the other end and if you see your mother secretly applying it in the bathroom mirror at least you no longer need to imagine her with Farmer Giles.


Smiles all round after one week of treatment